Lenten Journey: Filling Up

In the space of a few hours, I had two conversations that prompted the same metaphor in me. I hope that the metaphor was as helpful to the people I was speaking to as it was to me.

The topic of the conversation was essentially around the idea of purpose and fulfillment. (This is closely related to what brings you joy, a parallel track perhaps, but not necessarily identical.) I began to imagine three jars. (For a Unitarian, I do see a LOT of things in THREEs.) One jar contains the things that you feel required to do even though they drain you of your energy. The other jar contains those things that you do that are important to do and they sometimes give you energy and sometimes drain you of your energy. The last jar contains the things that you do that give you energy when you do them. Each jar has actions which have purpose. However, one jar is completely fulfilling while one is completely draining and the other is a little of both.

The challenge, as I see it, is that we often give a LOT of attention to the jar of items that drain us. These are the “to do” items that we feel MUST be done even though we don’t enjoy doing them and sometimes even dread them. That jar is full of our time and energy.

We also give a lot of attention to the second jar. These are the items we feel we should give attention to and, when we do them, they sometimes provide us with more energy and sometimes they drain us. That jar is about ¾ full of our time and energy.

The final jar is the jar that we only get to if we have time and energy after giving so much of our attention to the first two jars. If we ever engaged in the activities in this jar, we would find that we have even more energy when we are done than when we started. Unfortunately, this jar is almost empty, even neglected and gathering dust.

Although everyone’s energy-drainers and energy-givers are going to be different, I will try to give an example of items that might be in each jar to provide some focus to this metaphor.

One of the activities in the first jar is paying the bills. If you don’t sit down to pay the rent or the mortgage, you aren’t going to have a roof over your head and that can make other things difficult. So, you must make time to do this even though it isn’t much fun and the most fulfilling thing about it is being able to check that box.

One of the activities in the second jar is something from your home “to do” list: reorganizing the box of pictures that you’ve been carrying around since the last house you lived in. This is a task that has been nagging at you for a while. You will be really gratified to finish the task and having the pictures in a nice photo album or on the walls but, if you really enjoyed doing this, you would have done it a long time ago.

In the final jar is a painting you’ve been thinking about. You enjoy the creative process and you’ve had an idea that you’ve wanted to put to canvass for a while. So, getting the paints out and bringing something into being that you enjoy and have noticed others enjoy as well is immensely gratifying.

So, why don’t we give more attention to that third jar? Why isn’t it as simple as saying, “I’m going to give greater priority to doing the things that are important AND fulfilling!”

First of all, that first jar is full of items that are practically necessary and attached to other voices telling you they are important. The problem is that some of the things that aren’t THAT necessary migrate their way into this jar and demand our attention. If we take a closer look at this jar, we may find that there are a LOT of things in there that we have convinced ourselves (or been convinced by others) that we MUST do which really isn’t so. This jar has a lot of internal and external voices advocating for their attention.

The second jar is full of items that are just gratifying enough that we feel like we are listening to an important voice telling us to do these things because they are important and gratifying. We FEEL like we are giving attention to the things in the third jar when really we are in the second. Because we have been deceived, we fill it up even more.

The third jar, well… let’s just say, “You don’t have to be a Puritan to have an inner voice that tells you that things that feel good are frivolous or selfish.” So, you don’t give yourself permission to dip into that jar as often.

But what if you thought of it this way:

The first jar is important. There are some things that need to get done even though they aren’t the most fun. But keep an eye on those migrating things that really AREN’T that great a priority but keep filling up this jar.

The things in the second jar do have purpose and can be enjoyable but keep them in balance. Don’t fool yourself into believing you are doing that third jar’s work. This is fun and valuable but it isn’t Third Jar material.

To give greater priority to the Third Jar, you need to rethink the answer to “What is Third Jar material?” Well, to put it into theological language, this is what God is calling you to do. To put it into more humanist language, this is what your intuition tells you that you are most called to do. These aren’t frivolous pursuits. These are the things that call you to bless the world with your gifts. Maybe you feel called to teach. Maybe you feel called to create. Maybe you feel called to be a deep listener. Maybe you feel called to invent. Maybe you feel called to facilitate the gifts of others.

The goal is balance and boundaries. You can’t ignore the first jar but you don’t have to fill it with ALL your energy doing tasks that drain you. Find balance among the three by paying attention to God’s calling for you. Give more attention to your calling, to the ways you are being drawn to bless the world with your gifts, to the call of that Third Jar. In doing so, you may find greater strength to set boundaries on the first jar and not be fooled into thinking that the second jar is where your calling lies.

Exercise: Make a list of First, Second, and Third Jar activities in your life as you understand them. What in that First Jar is really not as important as you have been told by yourself or others? What in that Second Jar are you mistaking for your calling and giving more energy as a result? What are you being called to name as your Third Jar Calling? What is God calling you to do? What is that still small voice inside you calling you to give more energy to? How are you going to bless the world with your gifts?

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You are welcome to take this journey in solitude in your own personal journal or share your reflections. If anything that you do makes you think you might want to continue a journey using Spiritual Direction, now or in the future, you can make an appointment with me through my website: 

www.RedRocksSDC.com