Lenten Journey: Seeking Forgiveness

When I lived in Cleveland, I sang at Temple Israel during the High Holy Days services for several years. One of my favorite moments in the Yom Kippur liturgy was a passage that I can recite almost verbatim. “For transgressions of one person against God, the Day of Atonement atones but for transgressions of one person against another, the Day of Atonement does not atone until they make peace with one another.”

I found this passage to be a powerful testimony to forgiveness. Yom Kippur is possibly the most significant Holy Day in the Jewish calendar. The Day of Atonement is about reconciliation and forgiveness. To my humanist spirit, it makes sense to me to make a distinction between the spiritual and the material practice of forgiveness. If God knows our heart, then the Day of Atonement is the day when God declares forgiveness for the transgressions that have separated your heart’s truth and relationship with God from your actions. But for transgressions between two people, there can be no omniscient reconciliation. For those transgressions, those two people must make their hearts known to each other, to seek forgiveness for their actions, and to find reconciliation and peace in the acts of repentance and forgiveness between one another.

In the 12 Step movement, there is a similar recognition of this human responsibility for reconciliation in the 8th and 9th Steps:

Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except where to do so would injure them or others.

In any journey toward transformation, we must prepare ourselves for the journey not just by being prepared for the journey itself but also by tending to ourselves to be strong and healthy for the journey. Like any journey, any injury to self or unnecessary burden makes the journey more difficult, possibly hindering the successful outcome of the entire enterprise. If I would not attempt to summit a 14,000 foot mountain with a rock in my boot or an unnecessary 10 pounds in my pack, why would I believe that a journey of personal transformation should be undertaken without tending to my spirit. Journeys of personal transformation are difficult enough without carrying added burdens along the way.

I should note that people who undertake the 12 Steps do not simply “finish” the 8th and 9th Steps and consider the work to be final. The 10th Step calls them to continue to take inventory of their actions and be prepared to make amends immediately. And since we are often imperfect in our execution of any spiritual or physical discipline, it should come as no surprise that a return to the 8th and 9th Steps is common.

I note that so everyone will understand that Atonement is not a single act but an ongoing process. As we endeavor to prepare ourselves spiritually and emotionally for a transformational journey, this is not something that will be done and complete.

So, I invite you to reflect on what burdens you might be carrying with you right now. Is there someone with whom you feel your relationship has been fractured by some action that weighs on you? A broken relationship which, like that stone in your boot, is likely to get irritated further as you take on a journey of transformation. If so, I invite you to make a list of those relationships and prepare yourself to make amends, to seek atonement and peace by asking forgiveness and offering change. And as the 9th Step cautions, to do so only insofar as you will not cause further harm. There are some amends that need to be made indirectly: a prayer for forgiveness and a commitment to change to honor the person you harmed without causing further harm by going to them directly.

If that all sounds to mysterious, let me offer an example. If you had an affair with a married person, you can’t go to their spouse who doesn’t know of your affair and say, “I’m sorry that I interfered in the relationship between you and your partner.” You may feel relieved but at their expense. Instead, you meditate or pray for forgiveness and make an indirect amends by committing to take a closer look at your actions and motives when they involve someone else’s relationship.  

This is hard work. And it is ongoing work. For the sake of this journey, give yourself time to reflect on these questions and be prepared to do the follow up not in a single day but over a course of time that may extend beyond this Lenten season.

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You are welcome to take this journey in solitude in your own personal journal or share your reflections. If anything that you do makes you think you might want to continue a journey using Spiritual Direction, now or in the future, you can make an appointment with me through my website: 

www.RedRocksSDC.com 

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