Loving Your Enemies, Serving Your Loved Ones

If I were to sum up my theology in a single sentence, it would be “We are all children of God, worthy of Love, Forgiveness, and Grace.” So, you would think that the sermon series that my pastors have been preaching for the past five weeks would not be a challenge. Their topic has been Loving Your Enemies which, in theory, should be simple. If we are all children of a loving God than those who are my enemies are recipients of God’s love just as much as me. But this has not been an easy topic.

Yes, in theory, I have no problem with seeing my enemies as children of God and loving them as God loves them. But, as is so often case, things get tough when the rubber meets the road.

The primary passage that is the source of this commandment comes from Matthew 5:43-48.

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? ⁴⁸ Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

This part of the passage is theoretically simple. “Pray for those who persecute you.” I can do this but it is important not to be contemptuous in my prayers. It must be a sincere loving prayer. I think of a phrase from my childhood. It is a Southern affectation. “Oh, bless his heart.” When said in a particular context it means, “Oh, bless his heart because his brain is just plain stupid.” It is a light-hearted yet, ultimately, contemptuous “prayer.”

No, this prayer must be a sincere prayer. “God, bless my persecutors that they may experience joy and liberation from that which vexes them.” That, I can do. I don’t wish harm on anyone. I’m not saying I don’t have my weak moments when I DO have such thoughts but those are not my sustained thoughts. My sustained thoughts fit with the Buddhist prayer for Loving Kindness. It is worth noting the parallel between Jesus’ teachings and this Buddhist prayer which extends from self to world and then draws in all those close to you and then includes those estranged from you:

My heart fills with loving kindness. I love myself. May I be happy. May I be well. May I be peaceful. May I be free.

May all beings in my vicinity be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

May all beings in my city be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

May all beings in my state be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

May all beings in my country be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

May all beings on my continent be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

May all beings in my hemisphere be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

May all beings on planet Earth be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

May my parents be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

May all my friends be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

May all my enemies be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

May all beings in the Universe be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

If I have hurt anyone, knowingly or unknowingly in thought, word or deed, I ask for their forgiveness.

If anyone has hurt me, knowingly or unknowingly in thought, word or deed, I extend my forgiveness.

May all beings everywhere, whether near or far, whether known to me or unknown, be happy. May they be well. May they be peaceful. May they be free.

So, yes, I can do this. I can pray earnestly for those I perceive as my adversaries because my sustained wish is for joy and peace for everyone and I don’t wish harm on anyone.

Aside from removing contempt, where it gets even harder is in two places. One is when I consider the expansiveness of the term “Enemies” in this passage. Unlike my pastor, I don’t see the Greek word “Echthroi” (plural “Echthros”) as limited to personal adversaries. Not because I speak Greek but because my own research indicates that “Echthros” was used in the Bible to include military enemies such as in Deuteronomy 20:1. “When you go to war against your enemies (“Echthroi” is used here) and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them.”

But I don’t actually have to parse the word usage to run into the greater challenge to this commandment because some adversaries do wish to inflict harm even though we are not at war. Although, now I am rarely speaking for myself but for others whom I love. People who have a different skin color than mine. People whose love for those of their own gender put them in the literal crosshairs of those who wish violence on them. Women who dare to assert themselves and, in doing so, face the ire of men who would inflict harm on them to stop them. I don’t fit any of those categories of people whose enemies are not just internet trolls who disagree with my opinions but are people who have both the means and the will to do my friends and loved ones physical harm. Can I really pray for blessings on people who would want to harm them?

The second place it gets harder is when the commandment shifts from distant prayer to direct connection. In Paul’s letter to the Romans 12:14-21, he writes

¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. ¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. ¹⁸ If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ¹⁹ Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” ²⁰ No, “if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.” ²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

In this passage, Paul is calling us not just to pray at a distance but to engage directly with our enemies. “If your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink.”

I will address that next passage about “heaping burning coals on their heads” only briefly because it could easily become a lengthier exegesis. I am convinced of my pastor’s assertion that we are missing the understanding of an idiom that would have been familiar to Paul’s readers. Indeed, the whole previous passage is all about compassion and respect. So, the automatic response to this passage that would seem to be filled with contempt (“Bless their foolish hearts, I’ll be kind to them and my righteousness will burn them”) doesn’t actually fit. It is possible that this idiom may have meant that “by doing this you will inspire their minds to a greater purpose.” It is also possible that this quote is an insertion by a later scribe who wasn’t feeling Paul’s generosity and decided to add a little contemptuous purpose to Paul’s instruction.  

But the hard part I want to focus on here is that Paul’s instruction calls on us to fully engage with our enemies. Feed them, give them drink, possibly metaphors for listening and understanding. Once again, how can I expect those who are directly threatened to do this? It is easy for me to sit and break bread with someone who doesn’t look at me and automatically believe that I should be erased from existence because of some part of my identity. I’m not saying my advocacy comes with NO risk. There have been plenty of martyrs who claimed identities within the power structure but spoke power to the powerful on behalf of the downtrodden. But, for the most part, I am on top of the power structure.

And that is where this hard work becomes a commandment for me. To love my enemies is not simply a higher law based on seeing everyone as a child of God. Loving my enemies is an act of service to others. To love those whom others would have to put themselves into danger to love.

The last line in the passage from Matthew speaks to me in this regard as well. “Be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect.” I don’t actually see this as a demand but as a goal. We can all find our places to be challenged as well as acknowledge the ways in which this commandment is too challenging or, in the case I’m making, too life threatening. But strive for the goal. The world will be a better place if we all strive… to love one another and pray for loving kindness.