Cancer Journal - Thursday June 20th - I am not cancer


I am not cancer. I have cancer and I am fighting cancer. But I am also raising two kids and I am a husband. I have so many different identities and being someone with cancer is just one of them. I’m writing this because I’m already aware of how, while this is a significant battle in front of me, I am already aware of a growing sense in which it can take over my identity. Yes, there will be a lot of energy directed toward fighting this cancer and it will require a lot of my focus but it cannot be the single focus to the extent that it consumes my identity.

Today, I had a consultation with a surgeon, Dr. Brown. In addition to talking about the surgery itself and what to expect, I had a rectal exam. Definitely one of the most painful experiences I have ever had. Part of the exam requires puffing air into your rectum/colon so that the doctor can get a good look at the rectum. So, it is basically like getting the worst case of gas you have ever had with no chance for release.

The good news is that he said he saw no evidence of cancer spread into the rectum. So, the surgery would involve removing the parts of the sigmoid colon where the cancer is and reattach the rest of the colon (the descending colon) to the rectum. This will involve about a 3 day stay at the hospital. The risks involved have to do with a poor reattachment that would lead to leakage. In a moderate case, this would involve taking antibiotics. A worse case would involve further surgery. This surgery can be done laparoscopically but will still involve a small incision from which to remove the section of colon. So, Dr. Baker recommends a regular surgery because he favors putting his hands into the effected area rather than using robots. I’m inclined to agree.


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