Lenten Journey: Aspects of Spirituality – Relationships

Jesuit priest and philosopher, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, said, “We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” At our core, we are spiritual beings. When you think of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need in conjunction with this quote, this wheel of spirituality I have been describing makes even more sense. As Maslow noted, we have various needs that must be met before we get can focus on transcendence: physiological, security, emotional, esteem, and meaning and purpose. When these needs aren’t met, we are more focused on our “human experience” than our “spiritual being.”  

Part of our journey through these aspects of a whole spiritual life is accounting for these various needs so that we can give attention to our spirituality.  But it’s more than that. Tending to our needs also includes making things right with those needs, fulfilling those needs to the best of our ability but also making repairs when those needs have been compromised or diminished.

Relationships are one of those aspects of spirituality that are part of Maslow’s need (in the emotional needs category) but, as an aspect of spirituality, this requires that we examine the health of our relationships.

As I’ve noted in other entrees, my work with people struggling with addiction often creates a starker contrast between health and ill-health in any of these categories and this is true with relationships as well. When an addiction has required deception, distortions, and denial to serve its ends, many broken relationships are left in the wake. But you don’t need an addiction to have broken or compromised relationships. So, as you consider this category of relationships, ask yourself about the health of your relationships.

With your family? Are there any deceptions, secrets, broken promises, or even disappointments that are hindering the health of your relationships with your family members? Do you need to make amends for those things because they are your own or bring to light or contend with the actions of another? Do you need to confront or forgive someone?

With your friends? The same questions apply. Is there anything hindering the health of your relationships with anyone that requires you to make amends for your own actions or confront or forgive someone for their actions?

With your God or Higher Power? People don’t often think about this relationship in the same terms but there is a reason why human history includes lots of anthropomorphized representations of Gods and Goddesses. We feel many of the same relationships with regard to however we understand this Higher Power as we do with friends and family. Love, devotion, even pride. Shame, regret, and embarrassment. Gratitude, appreciation, and anger. Sadness, confusion, and grief. How is that relationship for you? And consider this: all of these emotions are acceptable. Any Higher Power worthy of attention is capable of handling any of your emotions. (Take the Olympian Gods, for example. They got very irritated with any human that wasn’t humble and contrite. But a truly worthy God can handle your frustration and anger.) So, the question is not “Are your emotions toward God unacceptable to God” but “Are your emotions toward God unacceptable to you?” Do you feel your emotions are holding you away God?

Finally, there is a relationship that is often forgotten. How is your relationship with yourself? How do you feel about yourself? Do you like yourself? Are you honest with yourself? Do you care for yourself? Can you offer yourself more grace and forgiveness for your mistakes?

We rely on all of these relationships to support our overall health and well-being. So, this is an important house to put in order for the sake of our ability to connect with the transcendent elements of our whole life experience.

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You are welcome to take this journey in solitude in your own personal journal or share your reflections. If anything that you do makes you think you might want to continue a journey using Spiritual Direction, now or in the future, you can make an appointment with me through my website: 

www.RedRocksSDC.com