Cancer Journal - Tuesday July 30th - An Inventory
Physical
I went to Bend, Oregon for the family reunion the first week of July and didn’t journal at all there. And then we got back to Denver and I haven’t journaled since. In a nutshell, the reunion was a challenge. I was having major GI problems that kept me from going on hikes and other events for two of the days there. I did manage to go on the rafting trip with the family, took Georgia to the rock climbing event which my friend Lucas guided, and to the 4th of July events. But a major hike went off without me and another day, I managed to take the kids to the swimming pool but didn’t go on the hike that was planned for that day. Getting back to the airport on Saturday was a challenge because we flew out of Portland which meant a 2-3 hour drive to the airport and we almost didn’t get there on time because I had to stop for a bathroom several times.
When we got back to Denver, I made an appointment with a nutritionist to talk about mitigating these symptoms so I could make it comfortably to the August 15th surgery date. The nutritionist was funny. I sent her my dietary log that I kept in the weeks leading up to the colonoscopy and since then as well as my list of supplements. She recommended that I eat a low fiber diet which, when she described it, was my 10 year old self’s dream. No broccoli, cauliflower, kale, etc. Lots of protein and I can have all the dairy (cheese and ice cream) I want.
Emotional
So, I have been told things medically that are the best possible starting place for having colon cancer. No spread to other organs, no sign of cancer in the rectum, no sign of inflamed lymph nodes which would be clear signs of cancer in the lymph nodes. That said, my worry is that they will find cancer in the lymph nodes which ups the ante for the whole disease AND means I am likely to undergo chemotherapy. So, emotionally, I am feeling good about the fact that this is not an inevitable conclusion but I have heard from people who were surprised by the course of their cancer because they too did not have those other signals to prepare them for those possibilities.
Still, I am more confident than not that surgery will be the end of it. I have also begun a meditation regimen. I am reading a book that my sister, Tamara, sent me called You Are the Placebo. The basic premise is that our bodies have the wisdom/skill to create from inception. So, why can’t the body engage that skill later in life if encouraged to do so? The book talks about the way our body creates painkillers and other responses to suggestion when given a placebo instead of the actual compound that is intended to create the desired effect. So, perhaps our body can create the circumstances to do other things in our body. In the author’s case it was to create and heal a severely damaged spinal column. In my case, it would be to shrink a tumor and kill cancer cells that have gotten anywhere else in the body. So, I have begun this practice while I continue to read the book. I called Tamara and told her I was going to start meditating immediately because I am not in need of all of the scientific proof that the book contains to start acting. Tam and Christine are very science based. They want to take apart the clock and see how it works. I’m more faith based. You tell me this has worked for you? Ok, if it doesn’t come with other risks and only benefits, I’m just going to do it.
Spiritually
I honestly haven’t thought much about this in a concrete way. I haven’t been to church in months. But my meditation practice has been my spirituality and my sense of faith in positive outcomes or even challenging outcomes with the strength and support to be sustained though them. A great circle of friends has surrounded me. Some literally by offering to take care of the kids, provide rides, etc. Others, spiritually/emotionally by saying prayers, connecting with me in support through a Facebook page that I created. So, even though I am not behaving conventionally spiritual even in the “unconventional” ways that I have in the past, I am feeling fairly strong in my spirit and spiritual practices.
I went to Bend, Oregon for the family reunion the first week of July and didn’t journal at all there. And then we got back to Denver and I haven’t journaled since. In a nutshell, the reunion was a challenge. I was having major GI problems that kept me from going on hikes and other events for two of the days there. I did manage to go on the rafting trip with the family, took Georgia to the rock climbing event which my friend Lucas guided, and to the 4th of July events. But a major hike went off without me and another day, I managed to take the kids to the swimming pool but didn’t go on the hike that was planned for that day. Getting back to the airport on Saturday was a challenge because we flew out of Portland which meant a 2-3 hour drive to the airport and we almost didn’t get there on time because I had to stop for a bathroom several times.
When we got back to Denver, I made an appointment with a nutritionist to talk about mitigating these symptoms so I could make it comfortably to the August 15th surgery date. The nutritionist was funny. I sent her my dietary log that I kept in the weeks leading up to the colonoscopy and since then as well as my list of supplements. She recommended that I eat a low fiber diet which, when she described it, was my 10 year old self’s dream. No broccoli, cauliflower, kale, etc. Lots of protein and I can have all the dairy (cheese and ice cream) I want.
Emotional
So, I have been told things medically that are the best possible starting place for having colon cancer. No spread to other organs, no sign of cancer in the rectum, no sign of inflamed lymph nodes which would be clear signs of cancer in the lymph nodes. That said, my worry is that they will find cancer in the lymph nodes which ups the ante for the whole disease AND means I am likely to undergo chemotherapy. So, emotionally, I am feeling good about the fact that this is not an inevitable conclusion but I have heard from people who were surprised by the course of their cancer because they too did not have those other signals to prepare them for those possibilities.
Still, I am more confident than not that surgery will be the end of it. I have also begun a meditation regimen. I am reading a book that my sister, Tamara, sent me called You Are the Placebo. The basic premise is that our bodies have the wisdom/skill to create from inception. So, why can’t the body engage that skill later in life if encouraged to do so? The book talks about the way our body creates painkillers and other responses to suggestion when given a placebo instead of the actual compound that is intended to create the desired effect. So, perhaps our body can create the circumstances to do other things in our body. In the author’s case it was to create and heal a severely damaged spinal column. In my case, it would be to shrink a tumor and kill cancer cells that have gotten anywhere else in the body. So, I have begun this practice while I continue to read the book. I called Tamara and told her I was going to start meditating immediately because I am not in need of all of the scientific proof that the book contains to start acting. Tam and Christine are very science based. They want to take apart the clock and see how it works. I’m more faith based. You tell me this has worked for you? Ok, if it doesn’t come with other risks and only benefits, I’m just going to do it.
Spiritually
I honestly haven’t thought much about this in a concrete way. I haven’t been to church in months. But my meditation practice has been my spirituality and my sense of faith in positive outcomes or even challenging outcomes with the strength and support to be sustained though them. A great circle of friends has surrounded me. Some literally by offering to take care of the kids, provide rides, etc. Others, spiritually/emotionally by saying prayers, connecting with me in support through a Facebook page that I created. So, even though I am not behaving conventionally spiritual even in the “unconventional” ways that I have in the past, I am feeling fairly strong in my spirit and spiritual practices.
Comments
Post a Comment